THE ART OF BEING ALONE
I’m sure you know them, people who just can’t be alone. They constantly seek the company and attention of other humans whether or not that attention is good for them. Sometimes, if they can’t find other humans to fill the void, they assign this burden to their dogs. They require their dogs to be close at hand at all times, and constantly pet, cuddle, talk to and focus on them.
It comforts them and makes them feel less alone. But what it does to many dogs is the exact opposite of comfort. It can set the dog up for a life of stress and worry when their human is not around. Dogs, just like humans, are social creatures and the desire to be connected with others in innate.
But what happens when real life happens? People have to go to work, or to the store, or want to go out to dinner with friends.
When the delicate balance of being close to people, and being able to be alone is out of whack, dogs suffer. The anxiety that they experience when left alone can be profound, and many behavior problems arise as they try to figure out how to cope with the discomfort of being alone. Constant barking or whining, clawing at doors or windows trying to get out, and destruction of household items are just a few ways that dogs try to create a release valve for the mounting stress they are feeling.
Velcro dog!
Over the years I’ve heard the term “Velcro dog” thrown around a lot. People who say that their dog is a “Velcro dog” often think that this is a good thing. They think that their dogs clinginess means that they must really love them. What’s interesting though is that these so called “Velcro dogs” often have some of the worst issues I see – resource guarding, reactivity to everything, OCD types of behaviors, and even aggression. These dogs are over anticipating and tracking their humans every move. They are always on alert, and feel the constant need to assess everything.
Helping dogs and their owners come back into healthy alignment when this relationship dynamic is in play is often a messy, uncomfortable process for both the human and the dog. We must be willing to help our dogs ride out the discomfort so that they can come out on the other side, and learn what if feels like to be calm.
I use the Place command to help dogs realize that they can access a calm state of mind without needing to be in direct contact with their human at all times. It helps dogs learn how to self- soothe, and they find comfort in their own skin. I ask people to give their dogs a few hours of alone time in their crate throughout the day when they are home. Crate time gives the dog a chance to just relax, and it helps to break the cycle of reactivity, or stress loading behaviors such as pacing or patrolling a fence line. I also ask owners to cut way back on the amount of unearned affection and closeness being shared with their dogs. This is a tough one. Humans really struggle when I tell them to get their dog off the furniture or out of their bed.
What it comes down to though, is that you have to be willing to give up some of the things that make you feel good in order to help your dog become happier and healthier.
Are you willing to do this? To maybe dig deep and ask yourself if how you are living with your dog is really showing love, or rather setting him up for an unhealthy addiction to you.
Helping your dog practice The Art of Being Alone is by far one of the most loving things that you can do for him. It’s never too late to start living a better life with your dog.
Are you ready?
