LOVE IS THE DRUG
By Maggi Forootan – Lead and Love K9
www.leadandlovek9.com
Love
Most dog owners would say that they love their dogs, right? People get dogs because they want a friend and companion to share their lives with, and they want their friend to love them back.
When we pour on constant affection, praise, treats, and attention our dogs feel really good…and so do we. They soak it all in because it feels so good and they start to want and need more. But what happens when the delicate balance between love, praise and affection; and rules, guidance, and leadership is out of whack?
Your love and affection becomes your dog’s drug, and you become his dealer.
Yes, dogs can get addicted to love. I see it all the time when people are struggling with things like separation anxiety, or dogs that demand attention. Dogs struggling with separation anxiety are in emotional and mental pain, and well-meaning owners have inadvertently helped nurture this state of mind. Pushy, demanding dogs can be unbearable and annoying to live with, and cause many owners to develop resentment for them.
Is this love? Do we want our dogs to become addicted to us and our constant attention? Do we want a dog that destroys our house or injures himself every time we leave him? Or how about a dog that won’t stop pawing at you while you’re trying to read or watch a movie…demanding to be petted.
Constant coddling and petting is a slippery slope for dog owners. This type of interaction is almost always at the root of many fear based dog problems. If your dog is anxious, fearful, or unsure it’s best to withhold affection during those times. Affection is acknowledgement…it’s like saying “yes fluffy…you should be scared and nervous.” Its human nature to want to comfort your dog when he’s frightened, but they don’t see it as comfort from their point of view. It’s always best to reserve love and affection for a time when your dog is calm and confident.
In the very same ways that we provide for our dogs physical wellbeing by providing food, shelter, vet care, and exercise; we must also provide for his emotional and psychological wellbeing. This means helping them understand that they can be OK when we’re not there to love them. They can learn how to self-sooth, and not be needy. Their confidence blossoms much like a human child learning to make his own way in the world with your guidance and help, but without needing to hold your hand every step of the way.
Love
When it comes to dogs it’s not just about what feels good to you. It’s about what makes your dog more stable; more balanced… the best version of himself.
So share your love for your dog through leadership and structure. Watch and wait for his calm state of mind, and then share praise and affection. Have your dog earn love and affection by demonstrating his respect, and willingness to comply with your guidance. This is authentic love.
Don’t be the drug that is love.
